Over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern in many companies. There’s a lot of effort put into celebrating employees and their families — family days at the office, pictures of kids drawing on whiteboards, parents being invited to see where their son or daughter works. It’s all heartwarming. These events can make a workplace feel alive, human, and connected.
But at the same time, I’ve also seen some of these very same employers turn unapologetically cold when it comes to cutting costs. I’ve seen people let go with just a short note, told to clear their desks and leave by the end of the day. No empathy, no real consideration. The same companies that projected warmth and family-like belonging suddenly acted heartless when the business demanded sacrifice.
That contrast has always troubled me. If companies truly see employees as “family,” then would they handle things this way? A family member wouldn’t tell you at 9 a.m. that you’re no longer welcome in the house by 5 p.m. that same day. The reality is, companies aren’t families. And pretending otherwise creates a trust gap that people feel very deeply.
Why the “family” metaphor doesn’t work
I get why leaders use it. It’s meant to signal closeness, care, and long-term commitment. But the truth is that work is not unconditional. Companies can and do change direction, restructure, or downsize. Netflix once put it simply in their culture deck: they’re not a family, but a professional sports team. You’re valued, you’re supported, but the relationship is ultimately professional, not unconditional.
I think employees deserve that clarity. It’s better to say, “We’re a team, and we’ll treat you with respect while you’re on this journey with us,” rather than promise family-like permanence that the company cannot realistically keep.
Where companies get it right
There are examples that show it doesn’t have to be cold. When Airbnb had to lay people off in 2020, Brian Chesky’s letter is still remembered for its empathy. He didn’t sugarcoat the business realities, but he was transparent, detailed, and generous — offering severance, healthcare, career support, even a public alumni directory. Stripe took a similar approach in 2022: Patrick Collison was clear about what went wrong, took responsibility, and spelled out the support people would get.
These examples mattered because they showed a basic truth: even if hard decisions must be made, the process can still be humane.
Where companies stumble
On the other hand, when layoffs are handled abruptly or impersonally, the damage lingers. Remember the Zoom call at Better.com? Or when Google sent out impersonal emails to thousands? The business rationale might have been valid, but the way it was handled overshadowed everything else. Employees were left shocked, humiliated, and distrustful.
It’s a reminder that people don’t just remember what happened — they remember how it was done.
What truly builds trust
From what I’ve seen, trust comes less from the big family days and more from the basics:
- Clear communication, especially in tough times.
- Respectful treatment when someone’s role ends.
- Tangible support like fair severance, benefits continuation, and career transition help.
- Honest framing of the relationship: we’re colleagues working on a mission, not a family.
The celebrations do have their place. They build community, and they recognize effort. But they should be seen for what they are — rituals, not guarantees.
A note for employees
This is something I’ve learned the hard way too. As warm and supportive as a workplace might feel, our true families are the ones outside of work — the ones who stand by us no matter what. Colleagues can be wonderful, managers can be supportive, but at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that work is still a professional arrangement.
That means we should also take care of ourselves: build some financial buffer, keep our professional networks alive, and never tie our entire identity to one company. It’s not disloyal; it’s just being realistic.
My takeaway
I still believe in the value of those company events. They can be joyful, and they do matter. But when I see them paired with ruthless treatment during layoffs, it rings hollow. The most important test of culture isn’t how companies celebrate in good times — it’s how they behave in hard times.
If employers really want to be trusted, they should focus less on telling employees they’re family and more on showing them dignity, clarity, and care when it matters most.
That, to me, is what separates genuine culture from just good optics.